The Road Traveled

We all travel roads. There are many twists, turns or obstacles along the way. These are learning experiences that shape us.

This part of my road started a little over two years ago. Over the last two years I have had five surgeries. Believe me compared to lots of other people out there who have medical issues worse than mine I am blessed. Blessed with family and friends who have been there for me. Blessed with the strength to go on day after day. Yes some days I was tired and it was hard but I got up and went refusing to let what I was going through keep me down. I already live with the belief life is precious and should not be taken for granted. During this time I was having health problems a lot happened that made me think and reflect on some things.

In the last two years as I went through tests, uncertainty of what was going on with my body, and fear of not knowing there were also things going on with my writing career. Some good, bad and ugly. Usually I am able to deal bad or ugly if I am well heck even better that I was feeling. But when these things (nope not going into details) were happening my mind, body and soul were tired and I let them go focusing on what was important - my health. Yet these things were festering insidiously messing with my psyche. I knew they were but the energy to shake it off just wasn’t there.

Months ago something happened to me that shook me. Some harsh words from someone I thought was a friend but who was actually a perpetrator shook me out of my complacency. On that day the “friend perpetrator” said those harsh words started an epiphany. At first I was hurt and reeling. Those “true friends” I have always tell me I care too much and take things to heart. It is true. When I call someone friend I don’t do it lightly. So to have this person say what they did to me hurt then I got angry and eventually lost my temper. “Angry” and “losing my temper” are very different things to me. Let me clarify I have been angry on occasion and it blows over quickly. When I lose my temper at first there is calmness before the worst hits. It is an eerie feeling. I’ve only lost my temper four times so far in my life and none of them were pretty. This lost of temper was a battle cry. A roar in my soul that woke me up out of the daze I was in.

I thought of all that has happened in the last two years and now with some distance I realized a few things. The two most prevalent and important are I know who my true friends are and I have dealt with the things that have messed with my psyche. Now I own them. They are in my control. It is a freeing feeling.

As I write, tears are wetting my cheeks and there is a smile on my face. I am at peace. My mind, body and soul are in sync. I feel better today than I have in a long time. Since my last surgery as I mentioned earlier I am feeling stronger than I have in a while. As for my writing career I am stronger than yesterday. I am ready, willing and able to go the distance. I have plans for what I want to do. Projects that I am working on and more I hope will come.

So as I continue traveling my road I am revving the engine and barreling forward in my journey looking forward to where I will be going next.